Just a Little Bit (of You Know What I’m Wiggly For)

This piece is around 1,500 words, about a six minute read, with a one minute resuscitation and recovery period. Last edited: August 2022.

In broad defence of things wiggly-woo: it’s just like physics, but without the right combination of words and theories to make any bloody sense. Still, you have to be a bit picky about which hill to enjoy your darshan on, because much of it is bullshit. Some is even helpful bullshit, but you know, it’s still bullshit an’ all.

Despite the murkiness, ‘we’ actually do have some of the words and theories, but political inertia is such a bitch. A course of leeches, anyone? The luminous Arthur C. Clarke had something to say about that, and he was as far away from wiggly-woo as you like. (And yes, well aware of the problem when net-quacks like me quote successful people as some form of self-validation love-in.)

Arthur C Clarke’s third law states that “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic“. Picture from https://arthurcclarke.orgExternal hyperlink.

The problem with wiggly-woo however is most of the magicians don’t know shit for Sundays and try to rationalise a non-linear, and brain-shaggingly larger dimensional thingummy within the confines of their flesh and bone think-box. How quaint! I hand-wrote an entire book about that once, before I burned it in a fit of fiery illumination and ego deflation. Or did I just over-stew the Ceylon again this morning? It’s a fine line, and I claim nothing much until I know anything much for certain. But then maybe because I’ve had my mind crushed several times it’s easier for me to grasp the fucking obvious. That’d qualify me as a shaman then, I guess. And who believes thems feckers anyway? Even the better magicians can’t figure them out, and run away screaming. You can’t help stupid, but the trick is to never stop loving them.

The best anyone can ever know is only a little. However my little won’t be the same as your little (also being true for the BDSM community, as you’d already know). Religious and indeed societal frameworks can only ever define a little, regardless of their propaganda to the contrary. Brushing up against third-party structures happens all the time, yet those barriers are paper-thin. So the question you have to ask yourself is: are you okay being defined (and confined) within someone else’s little understanding? Breaking free doesn’t require invalidating anything much, or even breaking rules, so take what you like and just become open to a little bit of the new. Evolution, baby!

Knowing only a little also means being ignorant of quite a lot. For all of our personal and collective achievements, never forget how little is truly known. If a man knew everything knowable he’d be god-like, yet it would — at best — be only a little. So why is that? Well, knowledge isn’t limited to the material domain and moreover, to the vagaries of the human mind. To think otherwise is pure conceitedness. Yeah, and that’s the default stance until we think about it for more than a nanosecond. And how does the wiggly-woo relate to all of this? Some of the time it taps into those vast non-linear realms and comes across as bat-shit random. The rest of the time it’s just bat-shit random and needs to stop right away, thank you very much. It’s a fine line, but at least we should talk about it a bit before dismissing the woods for the trees.

The pursuit of knowledge is only useful to the point you realise you have to let it all go to achieve the final knowledge. It’s the same with faux religious cults where you have to let go of all your money to achieve the final enlightenment. Whenever your hear the bellows of knowledge pumping life into ego, then hold onto your hat, because shit’s gonna get real and nasty. Oh, and that final knowledge thing? That’s my attempt at a little Buddhist humour.

He loved god, and god loved him. Unfortunately, the moorwen had quite the difference of opinion when it came to all things spiritual, and felt the need to express its dissatisfaction with affairs. The ensuing conversation was short, and frankly, the priest was never the same again after the moorwen’s sharp tongue lashing. From the fun, deceptively sweet and very underrated Viking/Sci-fi film ‘Outlander’.

There are deeply good people in this world of ours, and their views and belief systems will be at odds with yours and mine. The ego litmus test is to be totally chill with that, even when they feel the need push back at the differences. If you find yourself needing to convince them of anything much, it’s because you only believe a little yourself. Resting within the smile of your heart is everything, and that’s where you’ll find all that’s truly beautiful. Isn’t that enough? Why would you ever need to force that on anyone? Well if you do, it’s because you’re not real.

Never forget if shit was easy, we’d all be gurus by now. That’s a well-worn saying of mine, but funked up for ’22, because I feel like it’s 1999. I’m typing this with all my male first world privilege and I thank my lucky stars the shit I faced was spread within that white bread sandwich. Were I living in a third-world country, like CorkExternal hyperlink for example, I’d have withered and failed long, long ago. For the avoidance of doubt, I ain’t nobody’s guru, but what I do know for certain is that shit ain’t easy.

For those that think too much, especially myself, the solution is to stop it right away. If you can stop thinking whilst relaxing into a central focal point, being a place of mental calm and emotional cleanliness, then you might score a little bit of god. Well, I say ‘god’, but it’s as likely your soul and spirit. Anyway, I’m talking about bringing your brain and heart into a harmonious rest state, but without wandering off with the unicorns. It’s an inner journey; god isn’t this cranky bearded sky dweller and the pope isn’t some freakish gatekeeper in the middle, so fuck that paper-thin mind-control shit right away.

Back to the mindless chit-chat; there’s a bit of a jolt that happens within that inner silence, and things can get super chill. It’s really important to maintain focus without thinking about it, it’s Zen stuff, sorry, but like they know their tristates. It’s a place where healing miracles can happen, and will invigorate you. I talk a little bit about that in Dharamshala Night Fever.

If I was worth half my salt, I’d not even have to find that quiet spot within, because I’d be there all the time. To be fair, were I living a cloistered life it’d be a doddle. That could be true for you too, level playing fields, right? It’s where the ancient sages hung out, whilst talking smack on ‘illness comes from within’ and royally screwing the concept of germ-theory for several thousand years. They were absolutely correct of course, but that still doesn’t make them right. It’s roughly-precisely like a super-rich elite dude telling a homeless auntie to ‘go get a job, you lazy bum’. Or maybe like HomelanderExternal hyperlink shoving his kid off a rooftop and expecting him to fly. Meanwhile, just like me you too can be like the guru elites* and become impervious to illness, ya lazy bum!

*As previously mentioned, I’m not a guru. Run from anyone who declares themselves as such, unless they’ve a harem of hot lusty cultists you want to get deep inside. I mean, they’re fair game, it’s not like they don’t want to be exploited, is it? So go for it and find that ‘inner silence’ between frisks.

Peggy the flying rainbow unicorn pony
Free your mind… uh, your mileage may vary. This isn’t some Freudian biographical reference, or even what my last brain scan looked like. Definitely not, crazy you’d even mention it, curious how you made that connection? Let’s discuss.

Like all roads travelled, the further you go — the further you get. Meditation for example isn’t a binary switch. You might think it is, but it isn’t. Consider sleep; you think you’re either awake or asleep, but actually it’s not like that at all. People dip in and out of trance states all the time (a great example is when driving). You rarely notice it when you’re sleeping and if challenged (in dream) you’d probably insist you’re awake. Even more curious is when you become lucid, but dream-lucidity and waking-lucidity aren’t usually the same. Furthermore, if you’ve really paid attention during those experiences, dream-you and waking-you might not have the same wants-needs-intentions, but I digress; that’s a conversation about the inherent multiplicity of soul consciousness we mistakenly assume to be singular.

Meditation is somewhere in between ‘wakefulness’ and ‘zonked’. The more you do it, the stronger it becomes. So why all the binary? Even knowing this will make a big difference. The walls of your mind are made from the paper society wrapped it in, waiting only to be folded into nice pretty ponies.

With sparkles, rainbows and glitter glue; praise to the goddess in the realm of the wiggly-woo. Now that’s a hill to darshan on.

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